Double Team (1997)

He punched Scottie Pippen. He kicked a camera man. Head butted referees. He married himself. He banged Carmen Elektra. Dennis Rodman is as a bad as he wants to be. He is also part of the worst film that ever could be.

Welcome to the movie Double Team. I'm sure there is a story line in here, but to be honest, I've been distracted by the awesome moves of Jean-Claude Van Damme, combined with his very (and I stress very) mediocre acting abilities. Oh yeah, and did I mention there is a tiger in this film. Yeah, a fucking tiger.

But lets take a shot at a story summary... Jean-Claude Van Damme is a spy. Mickey Rourke is a bad guy spy. Jean kills Mickey's child. Mickey gets pissed. Mickey steals Jean's pregnant wife. And Dennis Rodman is a transvestite arms dealer. Oh, and there is a tiger. 'Nuff said.

Filled with ridiculous action scenes and an overabundance of poorly written basketball jokes, Double Team is a brilliantly bad film. This film is highly recommended only if you are drunk. Realllly drunk.

Starring: Dennis Rodman. Mickey Rourke. Jean-Claude Damme. A fucking tiger.
Directed by: Who gives a fuck?

The Verdict: God Damn Awful

And now for a preview...

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

In a desert outpost, a number of airplanes that have been missing since the second World War suddenly appear. A group of military led scientists investigate, and are told by a half crazed local that during the previous night the sun had shown. The man's face appears to be severely sun burnt.

Flash forward to rural Indiana. Local towns are experiencing mysterious black outs. Electrician Roy Neary is sent to investigate these outages, and along the way has an encounter with an alien space craft.

Greeted with disbelief by both his family and employer, Neary finds himself drawn to an isolated area through visions of a mountain-like structure. The story that follows concerns a man in search of what these visions actually mean.

While Close Encounters of the Third Kind is considered a science fiction classic due to the use of extraterrestrials in the film, it may better be defined as a adventure / drama. In fact, the film has more to do with a man on an incredulous journey amidst the doubts of those around him than it does with the idea of visiting space crafts . Aliens play a very small roll throughout the film.

With an excellent storyline coupled with impressive visual effects, Close Encounters of the Third Kind proves why it has remained as a much beloved film.

Starring Richard Dreyfuss and Teri Garr
Directed by Steven Spielberg

The Verdict: The Good

And for a preview (of sorts)...

The Day The Earth Stood Still (film - 1951)

International newscasters report sightings of a flying saucer. Soon after the space ship lands in Washington D.C. Surrounded by the American military, along with a crowd of curious onlookers, the spacecraft opens up, thus revealing a humanoid creature. As the alien approaches the crowd, a military official opens fire, shooting and injuring the alien in the arm. In response, a robot emerges from the ship and quickly disarms the surrounding military with a laser weapon that disintegrates objects upon contact.

After it is realized that the humanoid creature has come in peace, he is brought to a hospital where he is met by a government official. There we learn that the creature has come to earth to issue a warning to the planet. When his request to deliver this message is denied, the alien realizes that he is being held prisoner within the hospital. He devises a plan to escape in order to assimilate into common earth society. This serves the purpose of both learning the local culture, and creating a new opportunity to deliver his message.

The Day the Earth Stood Still remains a classic of science fiction cinema. While at times the film can seem preachy, as a whole it serves as a brilliant example of the psyche from the period in time from which the story derives. Planted firmly within the Cold War hysteria of the 1950s, the film reflects American society through themes of suspicion and mass hysteria fueled by a biased news media.

The film can be best appreciated by those with sufficient knowledge of American history. As I watched the movie I remained mindful of the time period the story was set in. This gave me not only a unique understanding of the Cold War period, but also served as a juxtaposition to compare the modern paranoia and hysteria over conflicts our country currently finds itself entrenched in.

Starring Michael Rennie and Patricia Neal
Directed by Robert Wise

The Verdict: The Good

Alright folks. We have been throwing around some fairly lofty ideas on how to expand this blog. It is still yet to be determined whether any of these plans will come into fruition, but in the meantime I will begin to update this site once again. Also, instead of merely reviewing films I will be adding reviews of pulp novels and comic books. Check back soon!

Freejack (1992)

In the distant future wealthy citizens are able to reach immortality by hijacking the bodies of past victims moments before their actual deaths. Race car driver Alex Furlong (Emilio Estevez) becomes involved in an on course accident in the year 1991. From there he is brought to the future by the evil Vacendak (Mick Jagger), who has been hired to "freejack" a body for his client. Alex Furlong soon escapes his rock-n-roll captor and has to learn his way through the futuristic dystopian world he has been brought to. The year? 2009. Somehow I think I missed that one.

Starring Emilio Estevez, Mick Jagger, Rene Russo, and Anthony Hopkins, Freejack is so bad that at times it is good. Check it out.

THE VERDICT: THUMB UP

Starman (1984)

Starman (Jeff Bridges) is shot down and crash lands in rural Wisconsin. Upon landing, he makes his way to the house of the recently widowed Jenny Hayden (Karen Allen). Inside of a picture book, Starman finds a lock of her husband's hair and clones himself from the DNA found within the strands. Before our eyes Starman grows from being a mere infant into an exact replica of Jenny Hayden's dead husband. From there on the two are forced to evade the federal government as Starman attempts to find his way back home. On the way, Jeff Bridges performs crafty alien tricks by handling his balls. Err... metallic alien balls.

Like most great science fiction, Starman reveals themes concerning every day human life through the eyes of an outsider who does not understand much (if anything) about the culture they are forced to be part of. Starman is forced to witness acts of love, greed, and injustice, allowing the viewer to gain greater understanding of our own society through the eyes of the most unlikely foreigner.

Directed by the legendary John Carpenter, Starman is a film that science fiction fans should not miss.


THE VERDICT: THUMB UP

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)

Following a decade long hiatus, the MacManus brothers are back. Was the long wait worth the time spent watching this film? Simple answer, no.

The storyline begins with the beloved priest of the MacManus brothers being assassinated in a Boston church. After putting two bullets through the back of his skull, the assassin replicates the brothers' calling card by placing two pennies over the eyes of the priest. Word gets back to the MacManus brothers, who have been hiding in rural Ireland since the end of the last film, and soon the boys are on a return trip to Boston. Ready to shoot down bad guys.

The reason this film suffered was because of the writing. During the first film we were treated to a well structured script that, for the most part, allowed the action to be revealed by stories within the larger story. Often these stories were played out through the opinions of the detectives that were investigating the murder cases. While writer and director Troy Duffy attempts to use this same technique in Boondock Saints II, the story loses its charm due to poor dialogue. At times lines feel forced, with a lack of wit and humor.

Though, the film is not a complete bust. Fans of the Boondock Saints will be happy to see the back story of a certain character revealed. This almost makes up for the poor dialogue in the film... Almost.



The Verdict: Thumb Down